are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
