remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
