There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
