You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you had me at cake vodka
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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