glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
