Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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