I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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