Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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