I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
