The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
