I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
