dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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