he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
