He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.