Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.