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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.