I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.