I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again