:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
