so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh god it's open bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
