Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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