So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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