***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
