Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
