just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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