So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
