he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
