I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
