I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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