So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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