i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
