your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
