She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize