Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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