There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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