I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
