She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
