i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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