shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
