There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
