I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
