Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My pussy is not your playground.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
