Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
