I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize