How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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