Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
