I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
