I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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