I just saw a hot homeless man
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
