well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
