you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
