sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
