Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
