My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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