I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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