I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
