why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
