My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize