The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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