Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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