"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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