I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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