come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
