i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
