His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
