thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
