i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
