this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
