Are we in a gay sports bar?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
These tits shall not be calmed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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