Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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