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• (209): View more from California

  HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?

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• (347): View more from New York

  WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.

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• (585): View more from New York

  The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!

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