His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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