Dual....:-)
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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