Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
