I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize