woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
