UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
