for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
