Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
