I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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