Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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