I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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