It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
