The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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