i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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