2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
