he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
