I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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