Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
