i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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